51 all out? Surely you jest! I’ve seen Ken Pounds lap Abbo between the wickets on a Sunday afternoon, I’ve seen Steve Charles bowled first ball by an 11 year old girl, I’ve even see a Junior member approach Pedro and ask him if he was playing for the 4’s that afternoon but I have NEVER seen such a cricketing shambles since the last time Curtly Ambrose got seriously annoyed at Trinidad and bowled England out for 46.

 

 In terms of sporting calamity it has to rank right up there! Cricket struggles to gain the limelight at the best of times and when it does it managed to do it with a display that seems to redefine balls up. It couldn’t have been a bigger own goal if Reese Witherspoon had walked into the room with a sign above her head saying “It’s your lucky night big lad”, and yet you still decide to go down to the pub.

 

 Still not convinced? I have compiled a list of other spectacular own goals from history, see where you think it ranks.

 

 Abraham Lincoln decides to go out for a night at the theatre – Long beards and tall hats have never been quite as popular since.

 

 Custer tells his men “we can have these” at the Little Big Horn – Short back and sides all round for the Yankee cavalry

 

 King Harold plays ‘head butt the arrow’ at the Battle Of Hastings – It all went a bit garlic flavoured for years afterwards

 

 Chris Waddle skies his penalty in the World Cup Semi-Final – The ghost of 1966 haunts us all still after the Geordie Mullet Man sends his spot kick into orbit.

 

 King Canute says “I can hold back the tide” - King makes himself look foolish and inadvertently invents the pastime of paddling which has been the thorn of English holidaymakers for generations

 

 Carl Williams says he will open Mike Tyson up ‘like a tin of peaches’ – Iron Mike sends the challenger packing in the first round before, presumably, going back to his dressing room to open up his own fruit.

 

 Michael Foot tells his advisors “this duffel coat will wow the voters” – Labour take a royal stuffing in the ’83 election as Labour register a record low 26% of the vote.

 

 Fanie De Villiers rattles Devon Malcolm’s lid at The Oval -  ‘Boks quickly dispatched as 9-53 Devon destroys the tourists having earlier warned them ,”You guys are history”. Not quite memorable enough for Ted Dexter to get his two names the right way round though.

 

 Julius Cesaer leaves stab proof toga at home - The Ides of March prove a prickly obstacle for ancient world warlord

 

 Scott of the Antarctic forgets to pack his ‘skidoo’ – English adventurer has dubious honour of getting ‘Nil Points’ against the Norwegians

 

 Tony Grieg says he intends to make West Indies ‘grovel’ – Oh dear! It would appear that a certain M Holding and the rest of the boys had a rather different plan. Perhaps times haven’t changed all that much.

 

 Charles Kennedy forgets the deodorant – All is shown not to be well with ailing Lib Dem leader who sweats his way through speech, perhaps he heard the bars wouldn’t be opening for a while.

 

 Graham Taylor says “Do I not like that Carlton Palmer” -  No, still don’t know precisely what the Turnip meant by that but the thought of Carlton in an England shirt still scares me rigid.

 

 Hundreds of slaves saying “I'm Spartacus” – Kirk Douglas was about to admit his true self in the aftermath of the battle when every man and his dog has an identity crisis and tries to convince the Romans they are actually the ancient worlds most wanted man. They were going to let you go, you fools!

 

 Lois Lane not seeing through Clark Kent’s intricate glasses disguise -  Yes, that’s right. With the glasses he was Clark Kent, without them he was Superman. One pair of horned rimmed ‘bins’ seemingly protected the identity of the worlds most super guy and no-one ever realised? Also, why did Lex Luthor never twigg that all he had to do to defeat his nemesis was to ensure that all the phone boxes in Metropolis were in use when the required moment arrived?

 

Bill Clinton and the intern - God bless ex President Bill, definintely brought some colour to the White House. Unfortunately he will be remembered in one part for a particularly unpleasant episode with a female member of the administration. Why didn't some one explain to him that that wasn't the way to light a cigar?