This off season is really starting to drag. For the first few weeks you can have a rest and pay a little more attention to those nearest and dearest, resolve to do that bit of DIY that has been outstanding since the previous winter and even try to lose a few pounds.

 The trouble is it is now 4 months since the last season finished, I’m done with resting, the fence panel is still knackered and I’m more portly than ever. Besides which the New Year is here, the AGM is done with, I’ve been back to the ground and got a sniff back in the nostrils. I don’t care that there is still 3 months to go; I want the season to start now.

 I’ve been thinking of way of filling in those final weeks before the action begins again. These are ones I’ve tried, let me know if you have had your own thoughts

 
Football


Most Cricketers at the club are all round sportsmen and follow other sports. You may even find it strange to discover not everyone at KCC is a fan of the Elland Road Relegation All Stars.

 My infrequent trips to the Walkers Stadium have generally reminded me why I didn’t renew my season ticket although it is undoubtedly therapeutic to vent your spleen at some hapless official; it appears that sledging in this arena is almost encouraged.

 Overall football does go someway to filling the void although you will have to be careful when it does become time for the serious stuff again. Forgetting where you are and yelling, ”Who’s the @!*&!@ in the White” will not go down so well.


Rugby


Some choose to spend their winters joining the legion of the egg chasers.

 The differences between following Rugby and Football are many, the Tigers actually can be relied upon to win more often than not and their supporters are actually allowed to stand during games and drink a flagon or two of ale into the bargain.

 The banter on the terraces at the Rugby is pretty reserved and crowd encouragement is generally confined to two stock phrases, either ‘Tiiiiiiiiiigers’ or ‘Heeeeeeeeave’. Anything else would probably confuse Rupert or Henry standing next to you.

 It is dreadfully important to remember etiquette at Welford Road. When a kicker is lining up his shot at goal silence is expected and you must not lapse into the football equivalent of ‘Oi oi, oooooooh @!*!%, you’re **!% aarrrggghhhh’, even if he is.

 
Nets


If you can’t actually play Cricket you can practice. The age old practice of taking over a gymnasium, rolling a mat on the wooden floor and allowing a batsman to be pot shotted at in an enclosed space.

 Whilst it is near impossible to simulate playing conditions this is about as close as you will get. The trouble is the floor boards offer far more bounce than you will ever get outside and you soon feel like you are batting at Sabina Park rather than Fleckney Road.

 The Peril of Nets is that you steam in with great enthusiasm and wake up the next morning as stiff as a board due to lack of warm up and muscles that have not been worked since the previous September.

 
Go on holiday

 
As we are all aware the holiday season can play havoc with the Cricket season if you let it. The answer (if kids’ school holidays allow) is to go out of season. Less cost, less crowding, less hassle and more choice, it also gets you off the hook when you would rather be using off breaks than wind breaks.

 Certainly the idea of a British beach in March or October isn’t as appealing so you have to be selective or head for sunnier climes. For instance, what could be nicer than February in St Lucia? Lo and behold just as the World Cup kicks in. If that is not a goer you could always head for the Alps and hope to actually find some snow.

 
Improve your mind


Enrol in a night class and indulge another interest or learn a new skill. I’ve always been tempted to learn an exotic language and utter some choice words in a foreign tongue at a point of exasperation.

 Whilst the idea of telling someone where to get off and not being caught at it sounds appealing it is not foolproof. On a beach holiday a few years back a few mates and I hatched a plan to shake off all the touts near the bars by repeating my meagre vocabulary of Russian and thereby suggesting we don’t understand. The plan was going swimmingly until we came across one tout who did actually speak the language. Cue on plan shot down in flames. By the same token don’t think of swearing in Outer Mongolian on the field just in case the batsman happens to be a G. Khan.