Wednesday, for the non football fan, was the annual bun fight that is transfer deadline day. Up and down the country the jingle jingle of managerial jewellery could be heard on the telephone as the horse trading of players registrations continued late into the night.
For some managers it was the opportunity to splash some cash and purchase those players that would give them the firepower to push for honours, to others it was a way of raising much needed cash whilst some took the opportunity to let some of the deadwood drift into the lower leagues.
There is no cricketing equivalent of course but wouldn’t it be fun if there was? Let’s imagine the scene.
Let us suppose that Club Chairman, Steve Elwood, was the man by the telephone. For the purposes of this illustration we will have to bling up his image, give him a sheepskin coat, a fat cigar and a decidedly flashy car. Anyway, the phone rings in the Chairman’s Office.
“Hello, you’ve reached Kibworth Cricket Club. What can I do for you?
You’d like one of my players? Well let me tell you that won’t be cheap, these first team boys are champions, some of them have played County Cricket you know. I don’t think many clubs could afford them, why don’t we go into more realistic territory?
In the Second Team I’ve got a Captain you might be interested in. Sure he’s got a few miles on the clock and he doesn’t exactly do silent running but he’s a great club man and I’m sure he could do a job for you.
Failing that I’ve got a Third Teamer who is a decidedly decent performer, does a bit with bat and ball and is a sure fire performer in the field. Yes, he’s had a few dental problems, known to be fond of a wind up every now and again and if he has an off switch we’ve never found it but, on the positive side, he might be able to get you a good deal on a holiday.
Still not convinced? 4th roster is still a bit up in the air but the Skipper is a wholehearted performer, somewhat short of actual skill, but won’t let you down. Will only probably cost you a couple of slices of Lemon Cake a week as well. Having said that we’ve been trying to get rid of him for years so I don’t think you would have much luck there.
Running a bit short of options then really. Can I interest you in a frequently unshaven left arm quick bowler, guaranteed not to be nightclubbing into the early hours as he is barred from most of them? Sunday Spin Bowler with a qualification in advanced scoring? Semi- Retired Posh Left Hand Batsman with a dodgy knee and inability to keep out the bowling of 11 year old girls?
What’s that? You were actually looking for a slightly deaf technically incorrect opening batsman with only one scoring shot? Ideally with a taste in bad shirts and shorts and a liking for a prematch gallon or two?
No… no I can’t help you. What makes you think we have one of those? We do have certain standards you know. I think you’re wasting my time.
