Wealthy local farmer and Bitteswell stalwart Pete Smith has
today received a letter stating that if an un-disclosed sum of money is not
received within 24 hours, that his son Andy will not be returned. News of Andy’s
kidnapping only reached the club when it became evident that his captors had
cleverly disguised one of their henchmen as the former KCC 1st X1
captain and slipped him un-noticed into the Sunday cup side.
The alarm bells only started to ring when a vast array of scoring
shots, powerful aerial blows and several shots making it all the way past the
square were witnessed, which aroused the suspicions of his team mates.
3 dimensional cricketer and game finisher/strategic
partnership destroyer, FK was the first to notice the drastic change and
commented to our reporter” The Kidnappers had gone to great lengths to cover
their tracks. They had clearly spent plenty of time studying Andy and looking back we just didn’t notice.
The Kidnapper arrived with a really amateaur haircut and a pair of chino
inspired leggings that only pedro would dare wear. He was meticulous in his attention
to detail. Sunglasses on his head despite the black clouds and he was also
during the game, armed with a range of quality ideas and field placings”
The club are co-operating with the Smith family and local
police to assist in his safe return. Chris “Chilly” Hill another KCC regular said
afterwards that he was ashamed that he hadn’t noticed anything himself. Hill commented”
it was the perfect to the last detail. The imposter went straight to the bar
after the game and bought himself a bottle of peroni and didn’t offer to buy
anyone else a beer and just sat there in his khaki coloured elasticated ankled tights.
It was as if Pedro was still there. “
The club hopes for the safe return of Pedro, hopefully in October